This note is a bit of what I like to call "Nicole Logic". At first it looks confusing and doesn't make sense, but once you understand it, it makes perfect sense. Let me explain it for you.
The first thing you need to know is what is happening at this point in the story. This is the first chapter, and Celeste's parents are taking her to a concert for her sixteenth birthday, which was a few months before. As they're driving over a bridge on the way to the concert a large truck hits the driver side of the car and pushes it towards the edge of the bridge. There is a long moment where the car is balanced precariously on the edge of the bridge before plummeting into the water below. Cameron Cornell happened to be in the car directly behind them, and was unharmed. Realizing that Celeste and her mother are still alive in the car, he dives off the bridge to rescue them before anyone notices. He manages to get Celeste to safety, but doesn't have time to go back for her mother.
Now, onto the notes!
In the top right corner it says everything shattered, but nothing mattered. I just realized that I put and extra t in shattered and mattered, but oh well. This is basically what Celeste is thinking after her car crashes, in the moments before it goes off the bridge. She realizes that her father is dead, and her life is shattering around her. Then the car falls, and nothing matters anymore, because she knows she's going to die.
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Starting from the top of the page, there are several paths. The first goes down the middle. It says My death was a car crash, falling, water, but I'm still alive. This one's pretty self explanatory. It's just the order of events.
This is the second path. My death was fire, silence, ice, then him, Cameron. He saved me. Fire, silence, and ice each corresponds to one of the events. Fire is the car crash: hot, loud, frightening. Silence is the fall; all sound is drowned out by the wind, and in her numbness Celeste finds it almost peaceful. Ice is the water as it consumes the car: cold, and inescapable. Then Cameron is there, rescuing her, dragging her onto the shore, forcing the water out of her lungs, and saving her life.
And lastly is the third path, which branches off of the second path. My death was fire, silence, ice, then him, Cameron. But I didn't know that yet. How can you know something without actually knowing it? When Celeste sees Cameron she somehow knows his name, even though they've never met before. She realizes that this is something she couldn't possibly know, and in her half-conscious state asks herself "How can you know something without actually knowing it?" You don't actually find out how she knows his name until A New Beginning.
